It’s that season again. You know the one where everyone starts crushing, falling in love and dating like they’re school kids all over again? Quickly followed by the endless guest invites to house warmings, engagement parties, weddings and baby showers; although not necessarily in that order…
Every now and again the wind changes and the tides unfortunately turn. In the last few months I’ve found myself on the roller coaster, my friends included, going through various stages of relationship breakdowns (from the 6 month boyfriend/girlfriend and 2 year engagement right through to the 5-10 year marriage). Whilst I’m in one of the happiest places I’ve been in a long time now that my mind is set to positive thinking, I appreciate it hasn’t always been that way. When you’re on the outside looking in, it’s easy to say “you don’t get the rainbow without a little rain”, though when you’re the one with the broken heart, time is really the only things that heals all.
If I’m completely honest with myself there’s a (very small) part of me that I don’t think will 100% recover from my past relationships - it’s YEARS of my life I’ll never get back. Letting go is one of my biggest weaknesses. As they say, hanging onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You do live and learn, though the catch-22 to that is you can’t be old and wise if you haven’t first been young and stupid.
In light of this emotive time, and being about all things chic, I came across this article via one of my favourite Gen-Y sites Elite Daily and it makes for a really interesting read! One of the biggest downfalls after a relationship breakup (second to nursing a broken heart of course) is a hit to your confidence. Once you’re past the hurt, grief, anger, resentment ‘maybe it was me, I can change, I want you back, no I don’t you’re a pig’ stage, you’re often a little lost for direction - particularly if you’ve been in a relationship for a while you might have lost sight of who you were before them and who you are now.
Here are some keys traits, as laid out by our male counterparts, to think about to help you regain, regroup and find love again (this time with Mr Where Have You Been All My Life):
You Live and Learn
Although you may not know how to spell “Czechoslovakia” in the third paragraph of your history final, just as you may not know what you want to be when you grow up, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind, and try things out. And sometimes you’ll be right.
Then again, a lot of times that red-dotted line will appear. Hopefully, by the time the fifth paragraph rolls around, you’ll know not to type “Checkosulvachia.” Metaphorically speaking, of course.
This concept applies to women, too. You may think you’re attracted to someone for all the right reasons, until you realise you’ve been dating a girl for 17 months and the strongest connection you share is, well, her father’s “connect” at Madison Square Garden.
At that point, you need to press the “delete” button, and figure out where you went wrong. It’s hard though. Sometimes, the same qualities you found attractive at first, turn out to be the ones that drive you away, later on. Remember that girl who had the sexiest taste for deep house music? That got old quick, when you realised that’s about as deep as she was.
At the end of the day, as clichéd as it may sound, you live and you learn. You keep a mental log of what she had that you did like, and what the other one had that you didn’t — then try and make it all come together in the next one.
Granted, there is certainly no scientific formula for this, but from my experience, there are qualities that women possess, which usually “stay attractive” for the long haul. These are the types of attractive qualities you will want to build on, and look out for, down the road. Here are the top eight I’ve picked up on:
A sense of style is always attractive. A sense of style is also enduring. The tough part is distinguishing between which girls have style, and which girls have a keen eye for “trendy” things they find while scrolling through their Instagram feeds. Unlike trends, style doesn’t come and go.
One of the most attractive qualities a girl can possess is confidence. Women with confidence don’t seek approval, or need any extra attention from others.
Confidence doesn’t just manifest from nowhere, either; people with confidence also possess a sense of self — moreover, one that they take pride in. It’s sexy when a girl can steal every pair of eyes in the room, but it’s even sexier when she knows it.
Originality is the anti-basic, the anti-boring. There isn’t one way to be original, and it certainly doesn’t mean buying a one way ticket to Seattle until you find a hipster-girl who suits your fancy.
Originality is what will keep you guessing, and when a girl is truly original, this quality will constantly be reappearing in new, different ways.
Think about it, class can never be unattractive. Unless you’re Jeff Lebowski, you’ll more often than not want a girl to settle down with and do, I don’t know, classy things with. Dinners, nights out, vacations — girls with actual class won’t need a budget to flaunt this quality.
Being classy isn’t about what drink you buy, or which specific pool club you’re a member of — it’s about conducting yourself the right way.
Don’t confuse snobbiness with class. If a girl throws a fit about your choice of red — over white — to pair with the dinner you’re treating her to, then she’s not classy; she’s whiny. That’s not attractive.
If a girl can make you laugh, what’s not to be attracted to? Wit is one of the most enjoyable forms of humor because it actually provokes thought.
A woman who’s witty won’t need to constantly put people down to get a rise out of you, and that’s always attractive. Although I know he’s a dude, think about the caliber of women Jerry Seinfeld would pull almost every episode of “Seinfeld.”
I promise you he wasn’t charming women solely on his looks. Witty women will also have this same effect on you.
Think about how unattractive Skyler from “Breaking Bad” was throughout the final 16 episodes or so. I’m sure you hated her guts (we all did).
Realistically, you can’t really blame her for being less-than-pleased with the current state of her life — she was married to the largest meth cook west of the Mississippi and was designated head-money-launderer — but the fact that she wasn’t backing Walt made her character just so easily loathed.
Loyalty is always attractive. Look for women who are loyal because when it all goes down, you’ll want to know that she’ll stay down for you, regardless.
Intelligence is possibly the most attractive quality you can find in a girl. It’s not about wearing thick-framed glasses, or publicly flaunting your degree from Cornell in casual conversation.
That’s not the type of intelligence I’m referring to. Most of the time, regular old “street smarts” are equally as attractive as any Ivy League diploma.
After getting greeted by a parking ticket wedged in between the windshield wipers of your car when you asked your girl to find a decent spot while out to dinner, I’m sure you’ll soon realize the value of a girl with “smarts.”
Although the most honest girl won’t always look like Adriana Lima, in your eyes, honesty is one of the most important qualities for a woman to have. I can promise that if there’s one sure-fire waste of time in life, it’s strapping yourself to a liar.
The thing about lying is that one lie can quickly lead to zero truth. Finding a girl who’s honest will provide you with someone to trust and, more importantly, to trust in. There’s nothing more attractive than the latter.
Do you agree with these qualities? Let me know your thoughts!
Be you. Everyone else is taken.